So yesterday, I went on a fan fiction binge, and it reminded me of what i used to do for fun 6-7 years ago.
It all began because I was reading a copy of Fearless while I was taking a crap. Fearless is the self-titled first book in a series called Fearless by Francine Pascal (the link is right there because I don’t want to get bogged down with too much detail.) I remember reading it as a teen in the 90’s but recently found it lying in the bathroom after it had become too late to bring any reading material in. So I began reading the book and realized how annoying the main character is.
I do remember back when I first read it. I couldn’t tell you exactly how old I was nor what I was like (or I could, but I would rather not) but I’ll be damned if this wasn’t the last time my brain decided to retain some useless information. Anyway, I remember thinking how bad-ass Gaia Moore (main character) was. She was so in your face and tough but also very beautiful and enigmatic. She was a virgin(!) and “worse than that…” (her words, not mine) she’d never even kissed a boy/man/girl (i assume). She also somehow didn’t bother with drugs or even weed and alcohol and did i mention how much her beauty was described? But she also had a dark side, and she was rude to people (nobly apologizing later of course) so she wasn’t perfect…
Now, I may perhaps be getting ahead of myself but keep in mind that younger me thought all these attributes were attainable and believable at the time of first reading this.
NOW, now? Well that brings me back to my first sentence in this passage. I was experiencing a feeling of being suspicious of something and wanting to run as fast as i could to the internet to confirm. That is exactly what i did as soon as i got out of that bathroom, i went to the nearest internet and i looked the book up. There’s no real polite way [for me] to say it but, Gaia Moore is such a fucking Mary Sue. Sorry guys, but it’s true. I will provide the evidence forthwith.
Her Virginity - Everyone knows that in any fan fiction story ever written with a female original character (FOC) ever, the broad is a virgin somehow. Don’t get me wrong, there are some good writers out there who don’t do this, but for my purposes, I’m going by the likes of those fan-fictions written by underage and horny girls (another generalization, i know, but i don’t have time for specific cases…yet. This is supposed to be a rant about something i think…). What I have experienced in my reading of fan fiction, in regards to the romantic/sexual component of the FOC, is the following:
1. The FOC is madly in love with the main/hot canon character
2. The main/hot canon character is madly in love with the FOC
3. The rest of the canon characters are in love with the FOC.
4. All the girls are “teh jealus” of her beauteous appearance and the fact that she is pursued by all.
5. When it comes to the scene/chapter/paragraph with the “hawt sechs”, the FOC reveals that she is in fact a virgin (Despite the fact that earlier she may have exuded raw sexual energy or even had 3 kids, it’s fiction anyway, who the fuck cares right?)
Gaia Moore tells us of her virginity and is “ashamed” about it. Not exactly in keeping with typical fan fiction (it’s not anyway) but the element is present. And guess who likes her? That’s right, the major hottie whose “evil” girlfriend happens to hate her. Fuck that guy in the wheelchair, he’s Nice to her and appreciates her as a friend. He wouldn’t know how to handle Gaia’s virginity. Which brings me to the second point…
Her “Special Powers”- I am for serious going to quote the book for this one.
“I am seventeen. The good thing about seventeen is that you’re not sixteen. Sixteen goes with the word sweet, and I am so far from sweet. I’ve got a black belt in kung fu and i’m trained in karate, judo, jujitsu, and muay thai—which is basically kick boxing. I’ve got a reflex speed that’s off the charts. I’m a near perfect shot. I can climb mountains, box, wrestle, break codes in four languages. I can throw a 175-pound man over my shoulders, which accounts for my disgusting shoulders. I can kick just about anybody’s ass. I’m not bragging.”
Oh yeah, she forgot her most important power, which was that she couldn’t feel fear.Now the last point, the one where she claims not to brag brings me to my next piece of evidence.
Her “Flaws”- Apart from being a humble-brag, there are never any flaws about Gaia that aren’t meant to be endearing. She’s occasionally klutzy (spilled coffee on her arch enemy), she’s the brooding and silent type and therefore edgy, she’s a virgin (I seriously rolled my eyes when i read that part), and she’s got a dark past. Which brings me to my next point…
Her “Dark” Past - We are presented with snippets of her past, because either she’s too tormented a youth or she can’t remember (a very convenient plot device if you ask me). Apparently her parents were involved with the CIA or something. Honestly, I found myself not caring because it doesn’t really come up that much. I suppose they were too busy trying to focus on telling us about…
Her Exaggerated Beauty - The biggest problem I had with Gaia is this point right here. We are supposed to believe that this girl, who admits that she doesn’t do much to make herself look good and laments that she’s not as beautiful as her dead mother (who I’m sure would have told her to do something to her hair or face if she was alive) is the most beautiful girl in the world. Then if it’s not her fishing for compliments, it’s all the guys and their boners talking about how hot she is without even trying and how her school enemy does too have to try and dresses really well but still isn’t as pretty as Gaia. After all, Gaia has NATURALLY blonde hair, bluest eyes, a petite frame (except her thighs and shoulders you guys, she’s not perfect) and only wears nail polish. I call bullshit because why the fuck would you wear nail polish on your toes and not want to show it off? Oh yeah, I guess someone as fearless as Gaia.
Ahh fuck it, I’m done talking about this cunt. I’m sure she grows at some point in the series but she is so fucking irritating in the first book. I guess i should read the rest to figure it out. Whatever, I still find her annoying, and in a Ginny Weasley way.